


when i think too much about it i can't breathe

by trashmouthtrash



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Bones, Episode: s05e07 Bondage and Beta Male Sexuality, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Panic Attacks, abed deserves love and support and he gets it!!, no beta we die like pierce, the author is extremely tired and is just gonna apologize in advance, this is not hickey friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 01:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30014337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashmouthtrash/pseuds/trashmouthtrash
Summary: In which Abed's interaction with Hickey goes a little differently, and Shirley and Annie are there for him in the aftermath..........................it always bugged me how in s05e07 hickey handcuffed a student and it was treated like a fun quirky little learning moment... so i took what happened, made it worse, and then (hopefully) made it better.
Relationships: Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett & Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	when i think too much about it i can't breathe

**Author's Note:**

> warning for descriptions of violence, injury, and emotional distress. title from "funeral" by phoebe bridgers.
> 
> it's pretty heavily based on the episode, except quadruple the angst and i actually address the fact that what hickey did was a dangerous abuse of power.

………………………

People often don’t realize that Abed is relatively strong. Just because he isn’t built like Jeff doesn’t mean he isn’t athletic. For one thing, he actually goes running pretty frequently.

Troy knew that. But Troy isn’t there, and Hickey is, and if there was a scale of how much people understood Abed, Troy and Hickey would be on opposite ends.

Abed didn’t mean to ruin Hickey’s drawings. He isn’t really sure why he went to see Hickey in the first place, but he certainly didn’t mean for it to end up like this. Abed generally tries to avoid situations that make his heart beat too fast and his mind go fuzzy because everything is _too much_ and he’s _trapped_ and _oh god, nobody’s going to come help him_ and he needs _out ._

………………………

Hickey would be the first to admit that he doesn’t get the kid. He thinks he’s weird, and definitely thinks he gets away with way too much nonsense. 

Hickey didn’t mean for it to go this way, but he doesn’t regret it. The ruined drawings were just the cherry on top of irritation that had been building since he met him. If nobody else was gonna show this kid what the real world was like, well then Hickey would have to do it himself.

So yeah, he handcuffed him. And when the kid started arguing, Hickey argued back. He just didn’t expect the kid to start freaking out like he did.

………………………

“I know what it feels like when people try to control me. You should know it never goes their way.”

His mask is fracturing. Panic seeps in to fill the cracks. Abed tugs at the handcuffs.

“Ooh. And what ‘kicky-punch’ movie is that from? The ones you’ve seen or the one I’m gonna watch you miss?” Hickey laughs. Abed pulls on his wrist desperately. 

“I said I was sorry.” His voice cracks, just barely. Hickey doesn’t notice - or doesn’t care.

Abed can’t hear most of what Hickey’s saying. He catches glimpses - something about “punishment” and “walking on your eggshells” - but the rest can’t get through past the roar in his ears, like a rushing waterfall directly putting a wall between Abed and reality.

It’s like the lava again, but worse, because this time Troy isn’t there. He doesn’t even have Britta to clone him. He’s so painfully _alone_ and _trapped_ and _he knew this would happen, he shouldn’t have gotten dependent-_

Abed tastes blood; he’s chewed through his lip. Hickey is shouting now, probably because Abed hasn’t been responding. Abed hunches over a little so he can cover his hands with his ears.

For some reason, that makes Hickey really mad. He grabs Abed’s wrist and jerks it away from his head, and the yelling gets louder. Abed feels it in his throat, a high-pitched whine he can’t control. _Nobody’s coming nobody’s coming nobody’s coming-_

Abed cries out and yanks his handcuffed wrist. He puts every ounce of force and panic into it, like in superhero movies when the hero reaches their limit and explodes in a blast of power, but he’s not a superhero, he’s just a guy in his twenties who can’t breathe because he’s stuck in handcuffs and no one’s coming for him, and _he can’t fucking take it he needs O U T._

And then he hears an awful pop. 

Hickey must have heard it too, ‘cause the yelling stops. They both turn to look at Abed’s wrist. His thumb is bent completely the wrong way and his wrist is turning all the wrong colors, but it’s no longer restrained.

Hickey is flabbergasted. “What the hell-”

Abed whines, clutching his hand to his chest. Hickey steps forward, almost like he wants to help, and Abed nearly falls over in his attempt to back away. He’s shutting down, he can feel it, but he doesn’t want it to happen here. He needs to get _away_.

Ignoring the spots in his vision, Abed surges forward, past Hickey and out into the hall. He crashes into someone; pain explodes in his wrist, and then he’s gone.

………………………

Earlier that evening, Annie and Shirley had decided to carpool to the benefit show. So when the show is over, Shirley drives Annie back to Greendale so she can get her car. Annie steps out of Shirley’s car and pats her pockets, confused.

“Shoot, I think I left my keys with my stuff in the study room. I’ll just run and grab ‘em.”

Shirley shakes her head, already halfway out of the car. “Annie, it’s not safe to be alone at night. I’ll go with you.” Annie shrugs, trailing after Shirley toward the campus entrance.

Annie’s ~~boobs~~ keys are right where she left them. Shirley stops, holding up a hand. “Do you hear that?”

It sounds like voices coming from down the hall - maybe some teachers working late. Annie is ready to dismiss it as such when they hear a loud, pained cry.

Annie and Shirley immediately lock eyes. “Abed.”

They take off down the hall. Just as they are about to turn into Hickey’s office, Abed crashes into them. He lets out a strangled yelp, clutching his wrist, and the three of them end up on the floor. 

“Abed!” Annie cries. She sits up to look at him, and he’s unresponsive, staring vacantly. There are remnants of tears on his cheeks, she realizes. Abed _never_ cries.

Buzz Hickey steps out of his office, looking perturbed. Annie glares at him and gets to her feet. “What happened? What did you do to him?”

Hickey glances at Shirley, who is holding Abed’s uninjured hand and speaking to him softly. “You people always baby him. I was just trying to show him some consequences and he freaked out.”

Annie is on the verge of exploding. What stops her is a quiet moan from Abed; under Shirley’s gentle ministrations, he’s coming back to himself. Annie shoves a finger into Hickey’s chest. “I need to help my friend right now. But you are _so_ not off the hook for this. And you’re gonna stay here until we figure this out, or I _will_ call the cops”

Hickey slunks back into his office, and Annie falls to her knees next to Abed and Shirley. He’s still hugging his wrist to his chest.

Shirley murmurs, “Abed, sweetie, let me see your wrist.” He just moans and shakes his head rapidly.

Annie turns to Shirley. “Should I call 911?”

Abed whines even louder; Annie can see his eyes filling with tears. Shirley bites her lip, then reluctantly shakes her head.

“Okay, we won’t, honey. You hear me? We won’t call if you don’t want us to.”

Abed sucks in a breath and nods. He’s rocking back and forth slightly, trying to calm himself.

A moment passes. Shirley slowly gets to her feet. “Stay with him, Annie. I’ll be right back.”

………………………

Shirley’s voice is dangerously calm. “What did you do?”

Hickey sighed. “Look, the kid came into my office and sprayed some foam shit from his costume all over my desk and ruined my work. I wanted to show him some consequences, so I handcuffed him to the filing cabinet so he’d miss his movie. Then he threw a tantrum, like always.”

“Let me get this straight. You think Abed is what, spoiled? That ‘kid’ is an autistic student that you physically restrained. He’s been through so much more than you know, and frankly you don’t deserve to know.”

“I don’t give a shit what he’s-”

Shirley slapped him across the face.

Hickey’s face turned bright red. “I’ll call the cops, you bitch!”

“Be my guest. Then you can explain to them what the hell you were thinking when you handcuffed a student to a filing cabinet and from the looks of it, broke his wrist” Hickey shifted uneasily. “The dean’s gonna hear about this, and you’re gonna accept whatever _consequences_ he deems appropriate. And then you’re gonna stay the _hell_ away from Abed. Are we clear?”

Hickey grumbles but begrudgingly agrees; Shirley turns back to the hallway.

………………………

Shirley takes a deep breath as she walks toward Annie and Abed.

Abed has his knees pulled up to his chest. His head is down, his forehead resting on his good arm. His injured wrist is shielded from view. Annie has an arm around his shoulders, and is running her fingers through his hair with her free hand. 

Abed has calmed somewhat; he looks a little less panicked, and a lot more exhausted. He lifts his head up when he hears Shirley’s approaching footsteps.

“Hey sweetie.” Her voice is soft again. Maybe Abed was right when he joked about her having two voices. “You doing okay?” He nods. “Can I take a look at your wrist? I promise I won’t touch it.” 

Abed gingerly holds out his right arm. Shirley cringes at the sight of it, all swollen and discolored. “Okay… I know you don’t wanna hear this, but you need a doctor. We don’t have a choice”

Annie grabs a hold of his left hand, squeezing it. “We’ll both go with you. And we’ll make sure the doctor lets us stay with you the whole time, so we’ll see everything they’re doing.”

Abed chews on his lip. Eventually he nods, looking resigned.. The pain must be getting to him, Shirley thinks, or maybe the emotional exhaustion. They stand, and slowly make their way to Shirley’s car. Abed doesn’t let go of Annie’s hand.

Annie sits in the backseat with Abed. He taps her hand, and she looks up at him. He points at his mouth and throat, and makes a “cutting off” motion with his hand. 

“You can’t talk?” He nods, and Annie feels the panic jump in her throat. “Oh my god did he do something?”

Abed shakes his head rapidly. He pauses, thinking, then points at his head and shrugs.

“Oh. It’s okay,” Annie frowns. “I can do the talking when we get there.”

He smiles halfheartedly, and squeezes her hand. She squeezes back.

………………………

The doctor is surprisingly understanding about the situation. All things considered, they get through it pretty well. Annie thinks _her_ hand might need some medical care after being in Abed’s death grip for the duration of the visit, but it’s worth it.

It’s late by the time they leave the hospital. Shirley drives Annie and Abed to their apartment, and only leaves after Annie assures her at least six times that she’s got it under control.

Abed is practically dead on his feet; the pain and stress of the day has caught up to him. Getting him to bed is like corralling a benevolent zombie. Annie gently gets his pajamas on him and gets him to swallow his pain meds. He’s asleep the second his head hits the pillow.

Annie isn’t so lucky. She can’t stop wondering what might’ve happened if she and Shirley hadn’t been there; or, perhaps, if they had gotten there sooner. She can’t stop thinking about the raw panic that had been in Abed’s eyes when they were sitting in that hallway… She can’t help but feel like they had failed him, in a way, even though she knows they did the best they could.

Annie rolls over, restless, until eventually sleep takes her.

………………………

When Annie’s morning alarm wakes her, she immediately turns it off and rolls back over. Abed deserves the day off, and she’s not just going to ditch him. Besides, she’s _exhausted_. It’s nearly noon when she finally forces herself out of bed, and even then it’s only to check on Abed.

Annie peeks into Abed’s room and finds him still asleep. She sends a text out to the study group - _abed and i can’t make it to study group today_

She gets an individual text from Shirley - _Is it okay if I tell them what happened?_

Annie responds, _hold off for a bit. i’ll ask abed if it’s okay once he wakes up_

She gets a thumbs up emoji in return, and sets her phone down. They’ve fully skipped over the window for breakfast, so she gets started on some pasta for lunch.

She’s draining the noodles when Abed makes an appearance. He’s yawning, and he’s got his blanket wrapped around him.

“Hey! I’m making buttered noodles.” That gets a soft smile and a thumbs up. “Still not talking today?” Abed shrugs. “That’s okay. I kinda slept through my alarm, so if it’s okay with you, I thought we could stay home and have a movie day.”

Abed nods, looking relieved. Annie hands him a bowl of buttered noodles, and they make their way to the couch. 

“What should we watch?”

Abed gets up to look at the DVD shelf, and ends up picking _The Breakfast Club_. Annie thinks it’s a good pick for their, uh… emotional state. They’ve both seen it a hundred times, and she catches Abed smiling at his favorite parts.

At one point, though, she looks over and Abed is biting his lip, brow furrowed. He keeps picking at the edges of his cast and his leg is bouncing with enough force to rattle the couch.

“Hey… is your wrist bugging you?” He’s nodding vigorously before she even finishes the question. She grabs him some painkillers and ice packs.

They get his arm situated on a pillow, and Annie’s about to unpause the movie when Abed quietly says, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Annie responds, and smiles. She lets out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.

………………………

Judd Nelson throws his fist in the air and the credits roll. 

“So, Abed… I think we should talk about last night.”

“Or we could watch another movie.” He gets up and heads for the shelf.

Annie bites her lip. “Are you okay with the study group knowing what happened?”

Abed isn’t looking at her. “I guess. You could tell them, if you want.”

“Do you think you’ll be ready to go back to school tomorrow?”

No response. Then,

“Let’s watch _Back to the Future_.”

Annie sighs.

………………………

The sun is beginning to set. Their second movie’s almost over, and they still haven't changed out of their pajamas. There’s a knock at the door.

Annie frowns, curious, then realizes she hasn’t checked her phone in hours, so it’s probably Shirley.

When she opens the door, she _does_ see Shirley. And Jeff. And Britta. ~~And Annie’s boobs~~. They’re carrying pizzas and soda. “Aw, you guys…”

“Shirley told us a little bit of what happened. We thought a movie night might be a good idea,” Jeff says quietly. Annie nods, glancing at Abed curled up on the couch, and ushers them inside.

If Abed is surprised to see them, he doesn’t show it. He doesn’t give much of a reaction at all.

Shirley and Annie end up sitting on either side of him, each with a hand or shoulder maintaining physical contact in some way. They watch the rest of _Back to the Future_ in relative silence.

When it’s over, Shirley turns to Abed. “Abed, sweetie, I talked to the Dean about what happened with Hickey. He’s gonna put him on leave while they figure out how to handle this.”

Britta splutters. “Put him on leave? He attacked Abed, he should be-” 

Jeff grabs her arm, silently urging her to save that conversation for later. He turns to Abed. “The good thing is, he won’t be there for the foreseeable future. So when you’re ready to come back to school, you won’t have to worry about running into him.”

Abed just nods, staring at the floor. The room falls silent. Jeff is watching Abed, a look of concern on his face. Then - 

“I’m sorry if you all feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me. And I’m sorry I’m hard to deal with.”

Abed’s voice is dull and uncharacteristically timid. His eyes stay glued to the floor. It’s not a pity-grab; it’s clear that he fully believes what he’s saying.

Shirley takes Abed’s hands in her own. “Abed, sweetie, you don’t have to look at me, but I want you to listen well. You’re not a burden. You’re not a bother or an inconvenience. None of us are upset with you. I don’t know what Hickey said to you, but I want you to know that he doesn’t speak for us. All of us here love you very much.”

Abed shifts a little. He’s still looking down, but Annie sees his lip wobble just slightly.

“I miss Troy.”

Shirley pulls him into a hug from the side. “I know, honey. He misses you too.”

They stay like that for a long time. Abed’s head rests on Shirley’s shoulder, and Annie’s head rests on his. They can hear Abed’s breathing get slower and more even. Before he completely drifts off, he murmurs, “Thank you for being there.”

Annie and Shirley don’t respond, and they don’t need to - he’s already out. But they hug him just a little bit tighter. And maybe, for now, that’s enough.

………………………

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first community fic, so... do with that information what you will.
> 
> i'd love to hear your honest thoughts on this, so feel free to leave a comment :) and please please let me know if i need to add or change the tags/warnings.


End file.
